Home jokes
I did a walk through and walk home from school, and I got home.
What time is it when you walk home from school? Time to rest.
Why donāt orphans play football?
They have no home field.
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
Why was the baseball player stuck in the stadium?
'Cause he made his home run.
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, Iāve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"Sātruth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "Youāre stuck fast girl. Iāll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we canāt do it!" Cobber said, "So letās try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "Whatās that?"
"Iāll go home and get me hammer and chisel and weāll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While youāre doing that, Iāll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.
It doesnāt have a home button.
I love you.
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
What has two names and one big home?
A person.
What is the difference between a human and a house? A human can walk, and a house cannot walk.
What did the bus driver say to the nut š„?
"Where do you live?"
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.