"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe " " why?" "Because I want to hang"
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas? A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
what did the woman with no hands get for christmas? no idea. she hasn’t opened her present yet.
Your chin is were i went on ski vacation.
if you are depressed, eat panera bread it is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookie and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple kool-aid.
Why do orphans hate Christmas? Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad. The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here.
My wife says s*x is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
why dont asian kids believe in santa clause?
because theyre the ones who made the toys
What’s micheal Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday? Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day. Teacher: Why is that your least favorite? Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive. Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
why do orphans not like july 24th?? because its parents day
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf. Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the psg training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE🤬😡
What did the orphan want for Christmas.
Parents
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal." The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom. He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store". But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19 yr old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?". Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing." Johnny says, "Oh." "But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
