My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
So apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
What did the hiroshima survivor say about the day little boy dropped? It was a blast
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts? -- In the mooseum.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk? -- In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
