I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. ππ
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you donβt make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.
They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."
Kile: Hey, asshole! I bet you listen to trash 50 Cent! How about you get to quarters, listen to him! My favorite rapper is the best of all! How about you go eat a cracker, you parrot nose, fuck!
Remy: I'm... y-y... YOUR DUMBER THAN ANT! I BET YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER IS A CANDY RAPPER!!
Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.
Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.
Clarie: It was painful!
Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.
Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!
Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?
Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!
Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!
A dwarf walks into a bar.
He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the π₯, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
your uncle jack is stuck on the horse........
Would you help him jack off the horse???
π« π π π€ π³ π¬ π π
π₯΄ πΊ πΊ πΊ πΊ πΊ πΊ πΊ
πΈπΈ πΈπΈ πΈπΈ πΈ πΈ π· π· π· π· π· π· π·π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄ π₯΄
π΄ π΄ π΄ π΄
Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? π€ͺ π
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boyβs testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boyβs testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, βIβve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?β
βNo,β the woman replied. βIβm with the Internal Revenue Service.β
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
π π« π€ π³ π π¨ π© π¨
Why did a bisexual man wanted a physically handicapped βΏ π¨βπΌ π¨ π¬ gay man to give him a anonymous blowjob under the stall inside the men'restroom π» πΉ at a restarea? because getting a blowjob from a call girl π§ cost $75.00 π¬ π¬ π¬ π¬ π¬ π¬ π π π π π π¬ π¬ π¬ π¬ π¬ π π π π π
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobeβs helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldnβt figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying βIβd rather die than pass it!β
Why did Draven eat curry?
I don't know, ask him.
Dravenγ
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
