HI jokes

Why did the dog join the marching band?

Because he had his trum-bone.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?

A: Because BB-8 it.

Ya it's bad:)

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

Why is E.T. better than an orphan?

Because he found his way home.

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because it has no home button.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.

Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"