HI jokes

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

Where did the king put his armies?

In his sleevies.

A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.

"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"

Little Mickel was on a tree.

He fell down and hurt his knee.

He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.

What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.

Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?

Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

What type of bee can't make up his mind?

A maybe.

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?

He wanted them rusted.

My grief counselor died the other day.

He was so good at his job, I don't even care.

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).

Student: How should I know, that's his story?

Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.

A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!