HI jokes

I've been drinking from a tall cup.

His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? He had to finish his essay, or the teacher was gonna whoop his fat butt cheeks!

Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?

To see his closest relatives.

Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?

A: His lips move.

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

How does Moses brew his coffee?

He brews it.

Hi Blake.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.