Hes jokes

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.

If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?

You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.

What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.

Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.

Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?

Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.

One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.

An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?

Nothing, he was dead.

Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

Why did he not love anymore? His battery died.

My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"

The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."

The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"

The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."

They ask who, "The President?"

"No, more important."

"The president of another country?"

"No, more important."

"An ambassador?"

"No, even more important."

"Well, who is it?"

"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."

Why couldn't the clown walk after his infamous knife-juggling act?

Because he was exhausted nigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."

What is hell to you?

Jesus!!!!!

He is everywhere taking our time and energy and our lives for his entertainment.

But Judgment Day is his eternal hell!

And our Eternal Heaven!!

Oh he.

Uuhgggyuuuhhhgg.

Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?

My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.

Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.