Her jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

Yo mama so fat, her belly enters the room 10 minutes before she does.

Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

Aitana is so fat that Thanos had to clap for her to disappear.

My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ⁠◡⁠ಠ

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"