Have jokes
I would make a clock joke, but I don't have time.
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starts, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus, you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.