Have jokes
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
Why can't the orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to...
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
I have a fat ass.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
and for those who have just given up
• fuck
This is beautiful.
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.