Hate

Hate jokes

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

  • 5
  • Friend 1: I HATE YOU!

    Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!

    Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*

    Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.

    All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*

    I hate these double standards.

    If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

    "(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:

    ......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....

    STUMP: TEENY DICK

    BUMP: TINY TIT

    GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

    MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

    LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

    UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

    RUMP: AN ASS

    DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

    HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

    PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --

    JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!

    .... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............

    (endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')

    "OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"

    (quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."

  • 9
  • I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.

  • 8
  • My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.

    It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!

  • 2
  • Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”

  • 2
  • Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

    My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.

    To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!