Nock nock - who’s there - fishes - fishes who -fishes the police come out with your hands up
When is it bedtime in the jacksons house. When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
You don't need brains to be a Boss. When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
“Jonny jonny” “yes papa” “eating sugar” no papa” “OPEN UR MOUTH!!” Shoves hand down throat-
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks. This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied. This is your clock. It move 3 times because you lied 3 times i asked where is President trumps clock. he said it was at the equator. Spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true
so i took a poop out side when i was done i wiped and got it on my finger after that i had nutella and i thought the poop on my hand was nutella and i licked it i said daddy chill what in the heck is this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other day my Girlfriend asked me to hand her, the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
when you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders
Y does Jesus hate skittles Because they fall threw his hands
So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's so he goes home and ask his mom who's cooking "Whats the first letter of the ABC's?" he ask and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!" so then he walks to sister who's signing in the shower and asks her "Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" she responds with "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" then he walks over to his brother who's watching batman and asks "Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC's" and his brother responds with "nu nu nu nu batman" then he proceeds to walk to his dad who's watching football and ask "Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" then he walks to his grandma who's cooking buns and ask her "Whats the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's" Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says "Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?" then he proceeds to say "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principals office then she says "What's you're name son?" he responds with "Nu nu nu nu batman!" then the principal ask "How many spanken's boy?!" he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD" and after that he runs out of the principal's office well yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested”. The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?”. The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish”.
I once saw a one handed man in a second hand store. I said to him: "i don't think they have what you're looking for sir"
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off
Bully: your so short u hand-glide on a chip
Short person: welll at least I don’t look like a Giraffe that just came out of an oven
Once, a mother worked in an orphanage as a cooker. She had a son, and a daughter. Twins. When she was going to her work, she decided to take the twins with her. They we're happy, they got ready and played with other children while their mother was cooking for other kids. Then, a poor family entered the orphanage. They said they wanted to adopt twins. As soon as they saw the children playing, they notice the womans kids. They said they wanted to adopt them. The manager said they weren't orphans, but before he said it, a teacher accidentally gave them to the poor family under the names of Layla and Logan. The kids we're Kyle and Kayla. They went away with their new children, but the kids cried, they said they weren't orphans and that their mother was in the orphanage, cooking. The poor family didn't believe, they thought it was the children's reaction of getting adopted. The woman went outside of the kitchen, she didn't see her children. She asked the teacher... And when she found out, she screamed and ran outside. She was running at the poor family, when they thought she was a psychopath and wanted to kill them. When Kyle and Kayla looked back, they saw their mother. They swinged their hands so the poor family could let them away. They ran to their mother and hugged her. The poor family got shocked and called the cops. But the mother, she showed the documents and her parent rights. This all explains the worst joke, Yo Momma Lost Ya.
Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!
What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree
Dear Hearing People. We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We Can even dance via vibration through music. Do you know the song W lyric like this 👇 *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose
What did the octopus say to the other? Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands.
