Guys jokes

Relationship

    • Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

    Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

    Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

    Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

    Karien: That is so boring!

    Daiana: Well just work with me please?

    Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

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    • Shooter

    • VOTING QUARTERFINAL 2: LIKE: When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door and the autistic kid opens it.

    DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team, but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”

    Vote for the better joke.

    Tree

    • I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

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    • Gift

    • A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.

    The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"

    The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."

    The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

    The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."

    The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"

    The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."

    The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

    The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."

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    • Guys memes

    Toy

    • My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

    Mushroom

    • A mushroom walked into a pub.

    He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

    The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

    The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

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    • Money

    • This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

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    • Dildo

    • Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

    The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

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    • Lesbian

    • How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

    I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

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    • Baby

    • So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

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    • Dementia

    • "Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"

    "Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"

    "Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"

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