Go jokes
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?
Look, an orphan, let's go beat 'em up.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the moovies.
Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?
Friend 2: Yup.
Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?
Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.
Friend: Why?
Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some DEPOSITS of RHYMES.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
You should bully orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.