The 40+ Best Glad Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?

A "glad-he-ate-her".

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

I’m glad I’m not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so i cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand im glad to help

Orange you glad to see me?

Iḿ glad were all going virtul so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings

What did the orange say to the other orange?

I orange you glad!

A man goes into a job interview and sits down. The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?" The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!" The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!" The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

Why are you so bonely my friend I am at least glad that you are not boneless

A person laughs everyday. "Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing so hope you enjoy and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good. Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.