The other day my Girlfriend asked me to hand her, the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
Imagine this..ur a lesbian and ur doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say "eat me baby"
She pulls out a knife and fork
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
son said to father last night was the best you and mom father said yeah me you and your mother had sex song said it was fun licking her P***** father said I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did did it feel good son said yes it was wanna do it again tomorrow father said YES BUT without your mom well suck each others dick and lick it and bite and shove each others dick next to each other son said yeah and if we do it again lets have mom and my girlfriend join next time father said ok its time to go to bed son son said ok love u can u and mom sleep with me without your clothes father said ok but you have to promise to go to bed son said ok see u theređđ đ đ đŚđŚđŚđŚđŚđŚđđđŚđŚđŚđŚđŚ
Whatâs the differentâs a girlfriend and a train the train will touch me
I TOLD MY WIFE SHE WAS LOUSY IN BED SHE REPLIED I GUESS YOU HAVE BEEN SEEING YOUR X GIRLFRIEND UH
The other day my friend messaged by saying âbro I have two pieces of bad news for you.â I told him to combine them. He replied with âyour girlfriend is cheating on both of us.â
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
One day me and my girlfriend were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
What does a canabolist do after he dumps his girlfriend??
He wipes his butt
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun?
B : They're both hot?
A : They're both massive.
There were two two twin brothers Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girl friend while Lucas stayed single. A few weeks later Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe I know we're twins but I'm Marcus and that's Lucas you were kissing." and his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once We had sex afterwards even though she lost
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend she cant stand for her self
It's funny dating someone smarter than you, my girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be, let me explain, say for example she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Whatâs the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?
A girlfriend likes a bad boy
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
âOh, I really liked it!â she replied, âEspecially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldnât understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.â
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, âWhat do you mean?â
She said, âWell, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, âGet the quarter back! Get the quarter back!â Iâm like, hellooooo! Itâs only 25 cents!â
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: Whatâs the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Letâs stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: Whatâs a math teacherâs favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Letâs stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: Whatâs a math teacherâs favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Whatâs a fireflyâs favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up
via GIPHY
Q: Where do roses sleep at night?
A: In their flowerbed
Q: Why was the show bad at gymnastics?
A: She was a flip-flop
Q: What should you wear to a tea party?
A: A t-shirt
Q: Whatâs rainâs favorite accessory?
A: A rainbow
Q: Where does a sink go dancing?
A: The Dish-co
Q: Whatâs a princessâs favorite time?
A: Knight time.
Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
Q: Whatâs a ballerinaâs favorite type of bread?
A: A bun.
Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
A: Hip hop.
Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
A: Shop âtil they hop.
via GIPHY
Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
A: She nailed it.
Q: What is cornâs favorite music?
A: Pop.
Q: Why canât Monday lift Saturday?
A: Itâs a weak day.
Q: Why was the politician out of breath?
A: He was running for office.
Q: What is a soccer playerâs favorite chemical element?
A: Goooooooooooold!
Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
A: He was a cheetah.
Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
A: Inside.
Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
A: He forgot his lawsuit.
Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
A: He crashed the computer
via GIPHY
Q: Whatâs a ball that you donât throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
A: An eyeball.
Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
A: Shells.
Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?
A: In the fall.
Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
A: Because he knew he would pass.
Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?
A: Because it was flat.
Q: Why didnât the farmer's son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field?
Q: What is the math teacherâs favorite dessert?
A: Pi
Q: Why was the princess in the emergency r
Me and my brother talking about relationships Me: We live kind of differently Brother: We're sort of alike Me: We're not alike Brother because he's taken: cause you don't have boyfriend! My thoughts: You're right. Cause I have a girlfriend!
