Full jokes

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?

Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.

Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!

Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.

Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.

Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.

The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)

What do you call an apartment full of black people?

A CON-dominium.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”

“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"

What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.

"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.

Why didn’t the moon eat dinner?

Because it was full! 🌕

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

Imagine this whole “Dr. Strange jokes” is just full of people simping over him.

Couldn’t Be Me.

Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?

Tax credit.