Full jokes
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
What do you call an apartment full of black people?
A CON-dominium.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
experiment
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.
Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?
Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.