Front Jokes

there was a man in a wheelchair and he got knocked out in front of a bus he had a wheelie good life.

Yo mama so fat that she walked in front of the TV and I missed a whole episode of iCarly.

my ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. so she said i was usless in bed. should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked "What does that mean?"

I said "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

When someone says: your are a mistake. say the only mistake I see is right in front of me.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike. Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would out and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle. It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money bartender says you gotta do 3 task he takes the shot of Jack and the customer says what are the tasks he says the 1st one is but the 1st 1 is I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth and you gotta pull it he says all right what's the 2nd 1 he said I got a big old girl upstairs that aint had no loving in a long time you gotta make her smile he takes another shot of Jack he said all right what's the 3rd 1 he said you see that horse outside you gotta make him laugh and cry Guy goes upstairs goes out back comes out to the front comes back in the other customer said give him the jar The guy says I took care of that lady's tooth and I made that alligator smile well how'd you make the horse laugh he said easy i told him I had a bigger deck then him bartender says how did you make him cry he said easy I showed him

Yo mama's so poor I knocked on her front door of her house and realised I was already outside her backyard!

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back,". The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking. The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says "step on a line and you break your father's spine,". The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE,". The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family. Right in front of his stupid face.

What are you doing son.it has been an hour and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

Soliciters are more likely to harrass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat his batting

2. Mother called,

To go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account? You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that- (Destroys phone cutely)

Your mum is so fat when she was on front of my apartment i couldnt get in

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back

What's the difference between a southern zoo and northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.