At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.
His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.
The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in the butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”
“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there”
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling”!!!
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat his batting
2. Mother called,
To go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family. Right in front of his stupid face.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
how to cats relieve themselves in front of people? by licking their puss
Yo mama so fat that she walked in front of the TV and I missed a whole episode of iCarly.
What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account? You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that- (Destroys phone cutely)
So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?
The Western Front is domestic violence.
Y’know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help.
I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.
