Family jokes
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
Guys, what do you call an un-aborted and parentless child?...
An orphan.
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
Why can't orphans fail a test?
Because the teacher is gonna ask their parents to sign it.
Why is it that orphans love Frisbees so much?
Because they return eventually.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because the dad never came with the milk.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?
"Full House".
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
Heh, stupid orphan.
Why don't orphans understand dad jokes?
Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"
So that way they feel important.