Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Family Jokes
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.
Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.
Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/
Ya mum!
Your dad is your mom.
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Your mum lol teehee!
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
Why was Timmy so sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
