Family jokes
What does a homeless man call his mother?
Useless.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
My sister got mad when I told her to say this word 10 times, and she got in trouble, and it was a funny word that she did not even know what she was saying, ahhahaha! 😆 lol
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he gets to call someone father.
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
Me nan.
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?
What would you call a cover for your cock?
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head.
Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said, "I'm gay!"
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.
And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.