Family jokes

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.

I was playing baseball with orphans, but when they hit a homerun, they had nowhere to go.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't run home.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

Orphan: What! No! Please no!

Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!

When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?

When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.

What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.

What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.

Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?

A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.

What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”

What’s an orphan's favorite game?

Catch.