Family jokes
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
Why can't orphans have friends?
They will stay together.
Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.
One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
I was playing baseball with orphans, but when they hit a homerun, they had nowhere to go.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.
So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"
So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!
Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.