Family jokes

Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.

You're so fat that you're gonna be my next hamburger for dinner and the next In-N-Out, just like your parents.

Why do orphans hate school? Because of homework.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

Why did an orphan go on Google Maps?

To try and find their parents.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

A bee said to his naughty son, "Honey, stop bee-ing abnormal and bee positive!"

Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

Feminists: Correct.

Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.

The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.