Family jokes
Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?
Because they don't have homes.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.
Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."