Family jokes
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because the dad never came back with the milk.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
Why was the orphan confused at the baseball game?
They kept yelling, "Go home!"
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
Why can orphans not play baseball? They can't hit a home run.
"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."
Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?
Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.
Why did the orphan like milk?
Because their parents went to get milk and never came back!
If an orphan was an animal, it would be an owl because they don't know "WHOOO" their parents are.
What do Nemo and my dad have in common?
They both can't be found.
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.
Why do orphans love role-plays?
Because they can call someone "daddy."
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Why doesn't the police arrest orphans? Because they aren't wanted.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!