Family jokes
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.
My life is so sad it's because you're in it.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Orphan Friend: Sure.
Friend: Parents.
Other: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
How do you name an Asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why don’t orphans have phones?? Because their parents can’t buy them one.
If you hit 9999 orphans and they all tell each other, are the other orphans their parents???
Q. When is your grandfather's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
I look at your bro.
And all I can see is the real definition of *"Lack of Grace!"*
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't go home.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.
What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.
Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.
Kid: Knock knock!
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents XD
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
Why can't orphans exit out of their games? They don't have a home button.