Family jokes
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
Why are orphans bad at Yahtzee?
They don't know what a house is.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
The orphan wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
Boy: The F in orphan stands for family.
Orphan: But there’s no F in orphan.
Boy: Exactly!
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What flour do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
What did an orphan say to its father?
Nothing.
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.