Wahoo
I spy with my little eye..
-noting Iam blind-
me: "you wanna see my dad" some kid: "yeah?" me: "close your eyes and he will appear" some kid: "he ain't appearing" me: "sorry i thought he would appear for you. he won't appear for me" *the kid laughs"
moral: not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on 🙃
Why do nuns walk in groups?. So one “ nun” can keep an eye on the other “ nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting “ nun”.
Bitch: Nice eyes brows
Me: Yeah wears yours motherfucker
Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thoughts it would look cool)
yo mama so ugly she the reason why slender man has no eyes
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
Man and woman are having a discussion. Woman looks into man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . ".
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in".
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to birds eye
Why did the one eyed chicken cross the road? To get to birds eye
10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
What did the right eye say to the left?—Between you and me, something smells!
I went to the eyedoctor and I couldn't read. they showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye? A one giant
Why are your eyes blue? CUZ THEY HAVE FOOD COLOURING IN THEM
Whaddaya got when ya got yourself a deer with no eyes?
Ya got no-eye-dear.
At school, bobby boy's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "why are you crying". Bobby says "someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die". His mom looks him straight in the eye and says "depends, which one are you referring to?"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
My friend: "Yo, stupid." Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?" My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever." Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
