Ernie Jokes - Worst Jokes Ever

Dream

20 views · no1 · 3 years ago

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

Celebrity

1,043 views · Kate · 4 years ago

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...

She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.

Cookie

41 views · Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

The image shows a Twitter thread. Ernie Keebler tweets about getting an email from a Nigerian prince and not being sure how sending 900 Fudge Stripes will help. Jacob replies positively, mentioning the good marketing. Ernie responds positively to Jacob and Jacob then responds to Ernie with "suck my cock ernie keebler".

Incest

332 views · Anonymous · 6 years ago

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

Envelope

9 views · Anonymous · 9 years ago

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

Slavery

504 views · Anonymous · 4 years ago

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

Eminem

13 views · a_person · 7 years ago

What's white and rhymes with Dre? Eminem.

Misunderstanding

13 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows Ernie and Bert. Bert is covered in some white substance. The text says, "Ernie misunderstood Bert's request for 5 guys on his birthday."

Cat

16 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A boy playing violin for Ernie from Sesame Street. Ernie says, "That was amazing, Jason! I've never heard such an accurate rendition of several cats getting run over by a lawnmower."

Heart

31 views · Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A still from Sesame Street shows Ernie and Bert standing next to a snowman. In the bottom of the image, overlaid on a black background, are the words: "You can still hear her heart beat!" Ernie said. It wasn't until spring that the hooker's dead body would show up on the playground.

Cocaine

5 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

Ernie looks surprised at a rectangular package while Bert stands next to him. The text says: "Ernie is astonished at the size of the brick of cocaine Bert managed to buy with this month's rent money."

Snitch

15 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a puppet of Ernie looking angry holding a long thin object. Below him another puppet, Bert, looks terrified. There is text below the puppets: "This is what happens to snitches!" Ernie suddenly shouted. The last thing Bert ever saw was his own blood spraying across the mirror.

Apple

3 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A picture of Bert and Ernie at a stand with a sign saying "APPLES 5¢". The text below says, "Bert and Ernie undercut the current apple market value, forcing their competitors' families into poverty."