Either jokes
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
What do 9/11 and COVID-19 have in common?
I couldn't give a fuck about either.
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.