Dying jokes
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I want to die.
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His Windows update wasn't available.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.