Drug Abuse jokes

Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.

What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.

How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."

What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?

Cocaine.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.