Drug Abuse jokes

What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.

How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.