DoS jokes
I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.
What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?
Special forces.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
Memes
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.