They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?
Special forces.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
