Dont jokes
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?
A cloud.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?
Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.
Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.
Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-
Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.
Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
I don't like the word "gun".
Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.