Dont jokes
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I don't know, go google it.
Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.
Mineta: Go on.
Denki: Uraraka's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it.
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: ^cries T_T^
Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.
Mineta: ...go on...
Denki: Ochako's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it?
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: *cries T_T*
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.
Orphan: I don’t have parents.
Why can’t orphans buy ice cream?
They don’t have money.
Just look up texting jokes. Don't ask why, just do it.
Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?
A cloud.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
I don't think I'm allergic to this.