DOE jokes
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave children's rooms with an empty sack.
Memes
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
What does BLM stand for?
Bisexual Lives Matter.
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies.
In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.
What does BLM stand for?
Bisexual Lives Matter.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only Juan.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."