Do jokes
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Memes
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.