Do jokes
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What do you call two Mexicans fighting? Juan on Juan.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Memes
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.