Do jokes
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalottapuss”.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
Memes
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."