Do jokes
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
Memes
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
what do you call a retard smoking weed?
a baked potato.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
Why do four polish heteroflexable men like to suck on four of the cow's udders? Because a bull has only one.
What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually, I shouldn't spread it.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.