Disability jokes
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.
What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels!
I have cripple and depression.
Why does the kid in the wheelchair get bullied all the time?
Because he can’t stand up for himself.
What do you call a kid on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
What has no legs and a human body?
A human with no legs.
Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?
Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.
He went too far away from the wall, and he got unplugged.
Haven’t they switched him off and then back on yet?
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
He died because he rolled too far away from the wall outlet and got unplugged.