Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Your mama is so fat. She went on a diet and solved world hunger.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams? She died
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What do we want A cure for obesity When do we want it After lunch
