Diet jokes
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Why can't Asians play cricket?
Because they will eat the ball.
Your mama is so fat.
She went on a diet and solved world hunger!
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.