Diet jokes
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Why can't Asians play cricket?
Because they will eat the ball.
Your mama is so fat.
She went on a diet and solved world hunger!
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.