Dick's jokes
Would you rather watch PL or suck a dick?
Adapt: lemme fart on that dick.
What do you call a dick with three eyes?
Preston.
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
Kid 1: Do you know Candace?
Kid 2: Candace who?
Kid 1: Candace dick fit in your mouth!
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.
He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
So I guess Ice Cube was right, Eazy's dick smelling like MC Ren's shit, and Eazy died of AIDS.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my dick!
What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.
What does a man and a gay prostitute have in common with a physically handicapped bisexual man? All three of them are very good at sucking your dick.
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.
What’s the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.