Depression jokes
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why do emos like yo-yo's? Cos they get strangled by the string.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
bully: "Your life's a joke."
me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."
Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.