How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
Depression Jokes
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
Why do emos like yo-yo's? Cos they get strangled by the string.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
bully: "Your life's a joke."
me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five.
It left him hanging.
