Death Jokes

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

I put the fun in funeral.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

Why drink water and not bleach?

If I die, does my depression die with me?

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.

Why do orphans have no parents?

Say your joke in the comments.

What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!