Dais jokes

One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"

The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"

And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"

The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"

Johnny replied with, "OK."

Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

I just want to say good morning to Gwen and everyone on this site. Have a nice day.

What if it's okay if someone can see my blue jokes, hello, bully, love, crazy, and Ariana jokes? Thanks!

- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.

- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.

Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!

Llama: What's your damn problem?

Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?

The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.

Did you know there’s a sex move called Amazon?

You wait all day and nobody comes.

What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?

Donald Grump.

Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?

A: Moonday!

You know how Stephen is smart, which class did he skip?

Leg day.

Him: I work with animals all day.

Her: Awwww what do you do?

Him: I'm a pornstar.

We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.

But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).

We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.

Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,

one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.

Roses are red, violets are blue, at the end of the day, you're gay.

Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.

How does a rapper start his day?

With a MIC check!

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?